Hello everyone,

I don’t really understand why I wanted to post this late at night but I usually work all day, every day pretty much 24/7 so this is usually the time I get to do my writing.

I have had an idea at which I would love to come to life and I guess I just wanted to share a little story of mine which is the reasoning for the plan. The main purpose I suppose of this post is to ask for help.

Also, disclaimer, I am by no means looking for attention, pity or weird looks because this story is no-where near most people’s, I usually only open when I feel very close to someone so just know that when I write on my blog it is for sharing my experiences and helping others. I have a pit in my stomach writing this post as when I put it to paper and online, it becomes real.

I have always been an easy person to talk to, open-minded and accepting. I usually talk about a problem when it comes to light and I feel comfortable talking about more than meets the eye type of topics.

Without getting too deep into the past, I may have had hiccups with my life but one thing I never experienced in a negative path was my mental health. I was usually the one who gave the advice and offered the shoulder to rest and heal on.

In October last year, I experienced my first panic attack. I was in my kitchen and it came from completely nowhere. I had just awoken from a nap, all was well.

Out of nowhere, I began to become short of breath and started over-thinking situations that weren’t going to even happen! The room became dizzy, my stance had come unsteady, I felt so afraid and worried for absolutely no reason.

I thought nothing of it, went on holiday and came back.

I was out in Liverpool one of the nights and came home near the end of the night just not feeling right.

Anyways, I ignored the situation and a few weeks had passed.

Without getting too into detail, from the second week in November to mid-February, I frequently experienced these panic attacks. They might have been before I went out, when I was alone in my room even when I was at work.

I would break down and cry and had no clue as to why.

This would really get to me as I am quite a social person, going to a conference or a night out just fell so easy to me. But not now, I really could not predict when I was going to worry about who was looking at me, what people were saying, how I looked and how I held myself.

It is strange because everything seems right as rain and boom like that, the simplest task is proven to be quite hard. You become a different version of yourself, one you had never met before.

I went to the doctor and spoke to my friends, I wouldn’t be one to jump to medication once sometimes seems up although my story may have been quite minor.

I went quite often and this situation went so off route for me because I stopped talking to some of my friends because I did not want to be a burden or for them to ask me where had I been, this annoys me because I know I should be able to go to friends.

I had so many plans; I wanted to for example run for student union president. I just could not do it.

I still cannot out even now into words of hours of writing into my book how to explain.

Anyways, March I started a self-love and meditation ritual; I know it is not the answer to everything but talking and taking time out for yourself really can help.

March to May I had opened myself up again to getting back on track, looking after me and others.

My life has just changed so much in terms of finishing college, moving and just general life. Stress was something I came face to face with big time this year, as I cared so much about my course but it was so very hard for me to attend. I had to do a lot of extra work just to make sure I got the best results I will receive.

It is weird, social media you can never determine what goes on behind the scenes. I was creeping back on my insta the last day and honestly if you didn’t know me well, you would never have an idea at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I have off days and moments before social events like everyone else, but learning to not dwell and just move forward is everything.

I feel it is inevitable, everyone will experience mental health at some stage. That is why I feel it is important to show people how they cannot take over and change it. (these things don’t just disappear) but to help manage.

I cannot help every single person that walks upon this earth and beyond, but I can try.

So now, my point – what would you like Ali?

I love to dip my toe in every pond and this is just the start of the marathon I am about to swim.

I have been in contact with Foróige clubs / youth groups in Mayo, I plan to structure mental health, mindfulness and self-love workshops.

Nothing major, just something to give back and help those who need to be helped. Sometimes you don’t even need to know that there is a problem, myself for example – even if one individual knows how to talk to another.

I don’t care about investing money into getting supplies etc for me it is about investing time. One of the most valuable things you can offer.

I have gone to a good few youth conferences now and last year when I was in Ommen, I began to structure a mindfulness and self-love one. I just never had the time to make it happen but seeming as I am in Mayo for the next few months, no better time than the present and I need to start building my project now.

In terms of being mindful of not only your situation but somebody else’s. Everyone has a journey. Also, being aware and present in the moment.

Self-love, how we perceive ourselves, we are individuals and that should be celebrated.

I need help on the mental health side, although I have my story but to be honest that is not what I need, that is just my motive.

I would really like to thank the beautiful people who helped me this last year, although you might have felt like you could not have done a lot to help me, talking and just being there helped in more ways than you can imagine.

To everyone out there, just listening can be one of the greatest gifts.

If anyone would be interested in helping me, offering advice or giving any ideas, I would be extremely grateful.

This is not something I plan to be getting paid for or credited, just a side project that I would love to do, I would love to help young people as you can never stop learning from others and growing.

Let’s keep this conversation going.

If you stayed this far down, you don’t know how much it means to me.

Lots of love,

Ali. X